Asking godparents for a Romanian wedding: when, how, what to say

Romanian couples usually ask their wedding godparents (nași) 12-18 months before the wedding, once the date is set and before booking the church. Visit them at home or invite them to dinner, tell them why you chose them and bring a symbolic gift: wine, cake or a braided loaf. For a baptism, ask 2-3 months ahead.

If you are marrying into a Romanian family, the nași may be the most unfamiliar part of the wedding. They are not best man and maid of honour. They are a married couple, usually older than you, who stand with you in church, often witness your civil marriage, give the biggest gift of the night and become, by tradition, your spiritual parents for life. Asking them is a big moment. This guide covers when and how to ask, the church rules on who can be a godparent, what to bring, wording you can use (in English and Romanian), what godparents take on and what to do if they say no.

When to ask

The order that works: the date and a provisional church first, then the godparents, then everything else. In our wedding planning checklist, choosing godparents sits among the first steps, 12-18 months out, alongside the budget and the venue. The reasons are practical:

• They need to be free on your date. If they are already godparents at another wedding that day, you want to know now.
• They need time to plan money. Godparents' costs (below) are not small.
• The parish may have conditions. Some churches ask for the godparents' documents when you book, so you need to know who they are before you see the priest.
• The guest list depends on them. Godparents often bring their own guests.

For a baptism, ask two or three months ahead, in person, as we explain in our guide to planning a Romanian baptism.

Who can be a godparent: the church rules

At the civil ceremony you only need two witnesses (Romanian Civil Code, art. 287, in Romanian), and relatives can be witnesses (art. 288). At an Orthodox church wedding the godparents have a role in the service: they exchange the rings, hold the candles and the crowns, and become your spiritual parents. So the Church sets conditions (Fr Prof. Costel Bulgaru on Doxologia; Fr Prof. Nicolae Necula, quoted by Adevărul, both in Romanian):

Parishes apply this differently, especially for unmarried godparents or couples with only a civil marriage. For mixed couples this matters: your Catholic or Protestant best friend cannot be your Orthodox naș, but can be a witness at the town hall. Ask the priest before you ask your friends.

How to ask: the visit, the dinner, the gesture

Whatever the region, the essentials stay the same: you ask in person, together, at their home or over a dinner you host. A message or a call is only for setting up the meeting (or a video call if you live in different countries).

1. 1Say why them. A few honest sentences about what they mean to you are worth more than any gift.
2. 2Be open about what it involves. The date, the church, roughly how many guests, what you hope for. Do not dodge the money side: they know it anyway, and it is kinder to say it yourselves.
3. 3Give them time. «You don't have to answer today» takes the pressure off.
4. 4Leave the gift either way. It stays with them whatever they decide.

The gesture has old roots, though not in the asking itself. In Moldavian villages, godchildren take large round braided loaves (colaci) to their godparents after the baptism or the wedding, as a thank-you: according to an 1892 description by the teacher Mihai Lupescu, the loaves came with wine, brandy, flour, sugar or a headscarf, and today it is usually the loaves, a scarf or headscarf for the godmother, towels for the godfather, a bottle of wine and glasses (Lumea Satului, in Romanian). There is no set ritual for the asking itself, but the idea carries over: you do not turn up empty-handed.

What to bring

There is no compulsory list. It should feel personal, not expensive:

Avoid big gifts that create pressure, and public surprises at a party with everyone watching. It is a question, not an ambush.

Wording you can use

Adapt with your names and a memory of your own. Romanian versions are below each English one, for godparents who prefer it.

At the visit (wedding): «You know why we've both come today. We're getting married on 18 September 2027, and when we thought about who we want beside us in church, we both thought of you. You've been there since we met, and it would mean the world if you'd be our godparents. You don't have to answer now.» «Știți de ce am venit amândoi azi. Ne căsătorim pe 18 septembrie 2027 și ne-ar bucura mult să ne fiți nași.»

On a card (wedding): «Dear Ioana and Andrei, you've shown us what a home with lots of love and very little arguing looks like. Will you be our godparents? Love, Maria and Vlad» «Vreți să ne fiți nași? Cu drag, Maria și Vlad»

A message to set up the meeting: «Hi Ioana! Could we pop round this week? We've got something important to ask you both, and we'd like to do it in person.» «Bună, Ioana! Am vrea să trecem pe la voi zilele astea, avem ceva important să vă întrebăm pe amândoi.»

Light-hearted (wedding): «Wanted: two people with marriage experience, patience for long services and arms strong enough to hold candles for an hour. Reward: two godchildren for life. Interested?»

For a baptism, from the parents: «When we think of the people we want close to our child for life, we think of you. Will you be Matei's godparents?» «Vreți să-i fiți nași lui Matei?»

For a baptism, from the baby: «I can't talk yet, so Mum and Dad wrote this for me: will you be my godparents? I promise smiles, lovely photos and lots of visits later. Sofia» «Vreți să-mi fiți nași? Sofia»

What godparents take on: roles and costs

Give them an honest picture. In church they exchange the rings, hold the candles and crowns and sign the register; at the town hall they are often the witnesses; at the party they sit at or next to the top table, lead the hora and take part in the midnight customs. Our guide to Romanian wedding traditions explains each moment.

The money side varies a lot by family and region. These figures are indicative, from guides published in 2026, not rules:

Bugetul.ro puts a godparent couple's total at 5,000-20,000 lei, roughly €950-3,800 (Bugetul.ro, all sources in Romanian). Not every couple pays all of this: in some families the couple buy their own rings, in others the godparents also cover the band or the flowers. More on the envelope in how much to give at a Romanian wedding.

If they say no (or need time)

It happens more than people admit. Reasons are usually ordinary and honest: tight finances, three other weddings that year, a separation you did not know about, or not feeling ready for the role.

• Thank them and do not push. «We completely understand, and we're glad you were the first people we thought of» keeps the friendship intact.
• Do not ask for reasons. If they want to explain, they will.
• Invite them as dear friends. Declining the role is not declining you.
• Have a second choice, but never let them know they were second. Their ask deserves the same warmth.
• If they need time, give a gentle deadline, say two weeks, so you can book the church.

After the yes

Tell your parents, then arrange a visit to the priest together if the parish needs the godparents' documents. Ask them to draft their guest list early and invite them to the menu tasting: they like being involved, not just informed.

On Celebrum, godparents get their own link to add their guests and send them the online invitations, with no lists copied around WhatsApp.